Understanding Your Parts, Finding Your Self
We all have moments when we wonder, Why did I react that way?
Or Why do I keep getting stuck in the same patterns, even when I know better?
Sometimes it feels like there’s more than one voice inside us. One part wants connection, another wants to run. One feels strong and grounded, another is caught in fear. That’s not a flaw—it’s actually how we’re wired.
IFS therapy helps us meet those voices, those parts—not as problems to fix, but as messengers to understand.
What Is IFS Therapy? A Look Inside the Model
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, it’s a therapeutic approach based on a simple, profound idea: that the mind is made up of parts. And every part has a purpose.
Some parts push us to perform or achieve. Some criticize. Others carry pain, fear, or shame. And while their strategies might feel extreme or confusing, each part is trying to protect us in the only way it knows how.
IFS invites us to meet these parts with curiosity—not control. Compassion—not critique. And in doing so, we create the conditions for deep healing.
The Role of the Self: Your Inner Calm, Confident Leader
At the heart of IFS is the Self. Not a part—but your core.
When you’re in Self energy, you feel calm, clear, curious, confident, connected. You’re not fused with any one part—you’re spacious enough to hold all of them.
Healing in IFS happens not by forcing change, but by building trust between Self and parts. As that relationship strengthens, parts begin to relax. They no longer have to work so hard to keep you safe. They begin to unburden what they’ve been carrying—often for years.
What Makes IFS Different From Traditional Therapy?
IFS doesn’t pathologize. It doesn’t label your behavior as broken or wrong.
Instead, it sees all parts as inherently valuable—even the ones that feel destructive. Especially those. Because often, those are the parts that have been working overtime to protect you, even if it’s in ways that no longer serve.
It’s not about diagnosing what’s wrong—it’s about understanding why your system is doing what it’s doing.
Why Try IFS Therapy?
Many people come to IFS after trying other forms of therapy that helped… but didn’t quite reach the heart of it. The insight was there, but the internal tug-of-war remained.
IFS offers something different. Clients often say:
“I realized the inner critic wasn’t trying to hurt me—it was trying to protect a really scared part.”
“I finally felt compassion for myself.”
“I stopped seeing my anxiety as a problem and started seeing it as a protector.”
It’s a framework that works for trauma, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and so much more—because it works with the whole system, not just the symptom.
What an IFS Session Looks Like
An IFS session is spacious. Gentle. Intentional.
You might be guided to notice what’s coming up inside—a feeling, an image, a sensation—and explore it with curiosity.
You might ask a part to give you some space so you can get to know it better. You might speak to it, instead of about it.
There’s no pressure to perform. No “getting it right.” Just the practice of listening inward, slowly building a relationship with the parts of you that have been carrying so much for so long.
Who Is IFS Therapy For?
IFS can be helpful for anyone who feels stuck in patterns they don’t fully understand—especially those shaped by past pain.
It supports:
People with childhood trauma or complex trauma
Those navigating anxiety, depression, or burnout
People who feel inner conflict or self-sabotage
Anyone ready to meet themselves more fully
IFS is also a powerful modality for therapists, coaches, and helpers who want to do their own inner work in a more integrated way.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Need to Push Parts Away to Heal
IFS doesn’t ask you to be better, calmer, or more together.
It asks you to listen—to the parts of you that have been working hard, holding pain, or showing up in ways you wish they wouldn’t.
Because underneath every protective part is a story. A reason. A wound. And a desire to be seen.
When we meet those parts from Self—with clarity, compassion, and courage—they begin to shift. And so do we.
If this way of working resonates with you, I’d love to connect. Your system already knows how to heal. IFS just helps you listen.
